Sarah Shook & the Disarmers Took the Hard Path The Music Kept Coming. The New York Times

Bill would draw me in emotionally and then shut the door tight, with me on the outside. There was a limit to his vulnerability though he longed for mine. I experienced it as his fear that I would not love him if I really knew him.

Being able to confront the hurt and anger does not mean your marriage is over. In fact, once these issues are addressed and worked through, you may be able to create a new marriage. If you or your spouse are in recovery, you may hope to go back to the way things marriage changes after sobriety were before. Unfortunately, addiction is often accompanied by deception, neglect and deep hurt. Make sure your expectations for their recovery are realistic. Try not to enable their substance use behaviors, but also try to release expectations of perfection.

Loss of trust

At least once a month, go out to dinner or participate in a fun activity together. Talk, enjoy each other’s company, and try to rekindle feelings of romance and joy. Writing out how you feel is cathartic and helps you find the words to talk to your spouse. It may also serve to open the lines of communication damaged by months or years of anger and hurt.

  • But I quickly realized Al-Anon was not for me, and not for the “God reason” I assumed it would be.
  • Writing out how you feel is cathartic and helps you find the words to talk to your spouse.
  • If your partner is recovering from addiction, the process can come with challenges, and it may take time to cope with those challenges, but you’re not alone.
  • It will hurt (pretty bad at first), but in time you will come to see it as the gift it is—and you won’t waste time getting to know the wrong person.
  • Although rebuilding trust and intimacy will be difficult, you can put your marriage back together using the tips below.

But I quickly realized Al-Anon was not for me, and not for the “God reason” I assumed it would be. Instead, I couldn’t live a life where I replayed my past; I couldn’t live a life that focused on victimization. Giddens tells us that how we communicate and interact with one another is fundamental to our newer ideas about marriage. Paying attention to the changes in your marriage so you can manage them well will support and enhance your relationship. Becoming sober isn’t just about abstaining from alcohol.

Addiction Treatment Programs

While you can get help at the same time, recovery is an individual journey. The underlying cause of addiction is as unique as you are. During your treatment, trained rehabilitation professionals can address your individual detox and healing needs.

  • A lot of couples pretend that everything is okay in order to avoid confrontation.
  • It may also be helpful to get to know yourself on your own, first.
  • If you’re recovering from substance use disorder (SUD) or you love someone who is, you know just how challenging it can be to heal the harm that may have occurred.
  • Understanding and dealing with these triggers is an integral part of staying sober.

There will be ups and downs but if you are willing to put in the work and get through the difficult early phase, then you can have a normal, happy life with your sober partner. The most common cause of relapse for addicts is being exposed to triggers. For some addicts, that can mean moments of emotional distress or loneliness.

The Link Between Trauma and Substance Abuse

However, drinking or using other substances around them can be a difficult temptation for them to resist and make them feel unsupported. Particularly in the early stages, try to keep your shared space sober-friendly. Research has shown that addicts in early recovery are much more likely to be successful if they live in a sober space.

As the partner of someone in recovery, it can be confusing and overwhelming. Perhaps you have just discovered that the person you love has a problem with alcohol and needs your help. In couples and family counseling I am often asked, “What do I have to be careful not to do or say? I don’t want to push them back to drinking/drugging.” I’m quick to point out that affected others are not that powerful and that accountability doesn’t work that way. The pitfalls for the affected other (people affected by a loved one’s drinking or drugging) are many.

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